Are Men Shamed If Their Wives Provide Financially?

In a recent twitter post, Mark Driscoll posted a video and shamed men who are stay at home husbands while their wives work.

Mark said that the Bible says:

Any man who does not provide for the needs of his family has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

I looked up the verse in question and could not find many versions that use the word "man" in the translation. The closest I could find was:

But, if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those who are of his own household who are of the faith, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever. - 1 Timothy 5:18 Lamsa Bible

Ryan, in response to the video, says:

"Mark, you quoted from 1Ti 5:8 like it was talking about men providing for their families. Did you not read the context? First, the text says "But if anyone does not provide for their own..." The word used in Greek is τις which means anyone or someone. Male pronouns are not used here. Why? Read the context of who Paul is dealing with here...

In context, Paul is speaking about younger WIDOWS who instead of providing for their families, indulge in luxury.

In v14, Paul says younger widows should remarry so they can "manage their households" and in v16 "if any woman...has dependent widows, she must assist them and the church must not be burdened."

Mark thinks that this means that it is shameful for a man to stay at home while his wife provides financially for his wife, but does the surrounding context of 1 Timothy 5:8 support his argument? Let's search the scriptures and see whether this is so.

1 Timothy 5:3-16

As Tom Carson put it, "A text without a context is a pretext for a proof text," so we will be looking at the surrounding context of 1 Timothy 5:8 to help interpret it. The context is 1 Timothy 5:3-16. For this post, I will be quoting from the NASB20. I've linked the full context and interlinear below for ease of following along.

1 Timothy 5:3-16 Context

1 Timothy 5:3-16 Interlinear

Caring for widowed mothers and grandmothers

Honor widows who are actually widows; but if any widow has children or grandchildren, they must first learn to show proper respect for their own family and to give back compensation to their parents; for this is acceptable in the sight of God. - 1 Timothy 5:3-4

The word for "widows" here in Greek is χήρας (chēras), a feminine noun that stems from a root word that means deficiency. So, truly needy widows should be treated honorably.

Children and grandchildren, male and female, should learn to honor their parents and grandparents by caring for them financially. The reason they should do this is because it pleases God.

The needy widow vs the indulgent widow

Now she who is actually a widow and has been left alone has set her hope on God, and she continues in requests and prayers night and day. But she who indulges herself in luxury is dead, even while she lives. - 1 Timothy 5:5–6

So then, brothers and sisters, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh--for if you are living in accord with the flesh, you are going to die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. - Romans 8:12–13

A true widow alone in this world places her hope in God. She makes requests and prays to Him day and night (Luke 2:36-37). These widows are truly living.

A widow who indulges in pleasures is dead even while she lives. These widows may have been wealthy and spent their money indulgently, amongst other things.

This word for luxury is the same in James 5:5.

You have lived for pleasure on the earth and lived luxuriously; you have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter. - James 5:5

Notice that the attitude of those like these indulgent widows is later contrasted:

Instruct those who are rich in this present world not to be conceited or to set their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy. Instruct them to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, storing up for themselves the treasure of a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life. - 1 Timothy 6:17–19

Paul instructs Timothy to exhort wealthy believers to set their hope on God, not on riches, and not to be conceited. They are instructed to do good:

1. To be rich in good works,
2. To be generous, and
3. Ready to share with others

By doing this, they will store treasures for the coming age and take hold of true life!

All should provide for widows to be above reproach

Give these instructions as well, so that they may be above reproach. But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. - 1 Timothy 5:7–8

Paul tells Timothy to prescribe that the children and grandchildren of these widows provide for them so that they may be above reproach. We should not do anything that would give a reason for unbelievers to slander us (1 Peter 2:25-3:7). Not honoring parents, especially in that culture, would have attracted slander. Furthermore, a true heart of faith has compassion toward all those in need (James 1:27, 2 Kings 4:8-10).

Here, we can see that the "any man" Mark was speaking about is a pronoun that means anyone. The Greek word is τις (tis). The context already given tells us this instance of anyone is the children and grandchildren of widows. The Greek word for "for those of his household" is οἰκείων (oikeiōn), which means "belonging to one's household, related by blood, kindred."

So, if anyone has a mother or grandmother who is a widow and does not provide for them, then they have denied the faith and are worse than unbelievers!

We must remember that when Paul writes in his letters, he often addresses specific issues within the church at the time. In that culture, it was normal for widows to be at a disadvantage and unable to care for themselves. It sounds like some believers were acting worse than pagans by refusing to take care of their own relatives!

Character requirements for listed widows

A widow is to be put on the list only if she is not less than sixty years old, having been the wife of one man, having a reputation for good works; and if she has brought up children, if she has shown hospitality to strangers, if she has washed the saints' feet, if she has assisted those in distress, and if she has devoted herself to every good work." - 1 Timothy 5:9–10

A widow would be put on a special list if she:

1. If she is older than 60.
2. If she was the wife of one man and had a reputation for good works.
3. If she brought up children.
4. If she showed hospitality to strangers.
5. If she has washed the saint's feet.
6. If she has assisted those in distress.
7. If she has devoted herself to every good work.

These requirements closely parallel those in 1 Timothy 3. To be on this list in the church, a widow needed to meet general character requirements. This list likely was related to the needy widows supported by the church (1 Timothy 5:16)

Troublemaking young widows

But refuse to register younger widows, for when they feel physical desires alienating them from Christ, they want to get married, thereby incurring condemnation, because they have ignored their previous pledge. At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also they become gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. - 1 Timothy 5:11–13

The young widows had behavioral issues:

1. They were idle as they went from house to house.
2. They became gossips and busybodies, talking about inappropriate things.

These widows could not be on the list. Some younger widows remarried and ignored a previous pledge they made. These were likely the widows mentioned earlier in verse 6 who indulged in luxury (1 Timothy 5:6). They would have been a burden on the church to support (2 Thessalonians 3:7-11).

Character requirements for younger widows

Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, have children, manage their households, and give the enemy no opportunity for reproach; for some have already turned away to follow Satan. - 1 Timothy 5:14–15

Instead of being idle, gossips, and busybodies, younger widows should:

• Get married.
• Have children.
• "Manage their households." This Greek word here is οἰκοδεσποτεῖν (oikodespotein). This means to be master (or head) of a house; to rule a household, manage family affairs. She was to be the despot of her home. In Greco-Roman culture, this was the norm.

They did this to give the enemy no opportunity for reproach, just like in 1 Timothy 5:7.

Some women had already turned away to follow Satan (1 Timothy 1:20). Some of these women may be related to those young widows mentioned earlier in 1 Timothy 5:6,11-13.

Female believers should take care of dependent widows

If any woman who is a believer has dependent widows, she must assist them and the church must not be burdened, so that it may assist those who are actually widows. - 1 Timothy 5:16

All believing women should support dependent widows under their care (1 Timothy 5:8; Acts 9:36-43) so that the church may care for "she who is actually a widow and has been left alone," the needy widows from verse 5 (1 Timothy 5:5). The church's responsibility is to help the needy (Acts 2:44-45; Acts 4:32-37).

Conclusion

In context, Paul instructs Timothy on how widows should be cared for.

All believers, male or female, should provide for their widowed mother or grandmother. We should likewise provide for our family members when they or anyone else is in need (James 1:27). We do this to please God and give the enemy no opportunity to slander us.

Therefore, Pastor Mark Driscoll is unjustly shaming the husband and wife in his video for doing what is best for their family.

Context is more than just helpful in interpreting scripture; it is crucial. We should thoroughly investigate and diligently test the words of teachers who cherry-pick verses from the Word of God.

Context is King. Context is like Über King - Mike Winger